Series: Becoming Who We Are
Passage: Ephesians 4:25-5:7
Main Idea: At the heart of right relationships is healthy behavior.

1. What is the silliest fight you’ve had with someone (who is not in this group!)? What was it over and how did it get resolved?

As a group, read Ephesians 4:25-5:7.

2. As a result of who they are (outlined in the first three chapters of Ephesians), what does Paul say the Ephesians should do?

3. Looking again at the passage, why does Paul encourage the church in Ephesus to do (or not do) certain things? (Note: There are a lot of reasons that Paul gives for “why.” Look especially for words like “because”, “just as” etc.)

4. In general, what characteristics mark healthy relationships (as opposed to an unhealthy relationship)?

5. Why do you think it’s so hard sometimes for people to live in healthy relationships–even with those closest to them?

6. Look again at question 2. Where have you experienced the positive actions listed there in your own life/community? What about the negative ones?

7. Which one of these do you struggle with the most? Why do you think that is?

8. What do you think you would need from your group and from God to help you in this area?

9. As we discussed a couple of weekends ago, in this life we make decisions based on what we believe. Therefore, one of the keys to overcoming negative behavior is to understand the lies that we believe and to replace those lies with the truth. Look at the answer you gave for question 6. What lies do you think could be causing that behavior? What truth can you replace that with?

As you close your time together, consider breaking up in pairs and praying for each other, asking that God’s Holy Spirit would help each of you embrace the truth that is in Jesus (Ephesians 4:21).

Purpose: Introduce topic and get everyone talking.

1. What is the silliest fight you’ve had with someone (who is not in this group!)? What was it over and how did it get resolved?

This is a “lighter” question intended to get the conversation going.

Purpose: Observe the passage and interact with the text

As a group, read Ephesians 4:25-5:7.

²⁵Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ²⁶“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷and do not give the devil a foothold. ²⁸Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

²⁹Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ³⁰And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³²Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

5 ¹Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children ²and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

³But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. ⁴Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. ⁵For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. ⁶Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. ⁷Therefore do not be partners with them.

2. As a result of who they are (outlined in the first three chapters of Ephesians), what does Paul say the Ephesians should do?

3. Looking again at the passage, why does Paul encourage the church in Ephesus to do (or not do) certain things? (Note: There are a lot of reasons that Paul gives for “why.” Look especially for words like “because”, “just as” etc.)

Before providing guidance for these two questions, there are a few issues in this passage that need explanation.

“Do not give the devil a foothold” (4:27) – when we sin, we open ourselves up to Satan’s attack in our lives. As we hold onto anger (4:26), this provides Satan a greater opportunity to perpetuate negative thinking and sin. That’s why letting go of anger is so important.

“Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God” (4:30) – this is a reference to Isaiah 63:10 when, because of the disobedience of the Israelites in the desert, God’s Holy Spirit was “grieved.” When we destroy community by our sin, God is saddened. God experiences emotions, and just like we can grieve, so can God. That being said, understand that God’s Spirit cannot be taken away from a Christian, since it is by God’s Spirit that we have been “sealed” (Ephesians 4:30; see also Ephesians 1:13).

“No immoral…person…has any inheritance in the Kingdom of God” (5:5) – this does not mean that if someone commits the sins of Ephesians 5:5 that they will lose their salvation. Paul has already made it clear that someone who is saved is “sealed” for the day of redemption (Ephesians 1:13). Though some of the Ephesians might have once been these type of people, their identity has been changed because of Christ (see 1 Corinthians 6:9-11).

For question 2, there are so many things that Paul says: almost every verse contains something. Here’s just a sampling of them:
– Put off falsehood and speak truthfully (4:25)
– Though it’s OK to be angry, that anger should not lead to sin (4:26)
– Don’t let anger remain for too long (4:26)
– Don’t steal (4:28)
– Don’t let any “unwholesome” talk come out of your mouth (4:29)
– Get rid of bitterness, rage, and anger (4:31)

For question 3, reasons include:
– They are all members of one body (4:25)
– In order to share with those in need (4:27)
– In order to build up those who will listen (4:29)
– Because God forgave us in Jesus Christ (4:32)
– Because Jesus loved us and gave himself up for us (5:1)
– Because these things are improper for God’s people (5:3)
– Because anyone who is like this will not have inheritance in God’s kingdom (5:5)
– Because those who are like this are deserving of God’s wrath (5:6)

Purpose: Connect observations in God’s Word with observations in our world today.

4. In general, what characteristics mark healthy relationships (as opposed to an unhealthy relationship)?

We think of things like an openness to discuss issues; a desire to encourage one another; a willingness to confront if the other is doing destructive things to themselves or the relationship, etc.

5. Why do you think it’s so hard sometimes for people to live in healthy relationships–even with those closest to them?

We can think of a number of reasons. Sometimes selfishness and pride get in the way. Along those lines, sometimes people can be “set” in their ways and not want to compromise, and compromise is a necessary part of any healthy relationships. Sometimes old wounds / hurts from past relationships can also get in the way of healthy relationships with one another. Relationships take work, and some people are not interested in investing the time and energy necessary to have a healthy relationship.

Purpose: Internalize God’s Word and apply the truth to your personal life.

6. Look again at question 2. Where have you experienced the positive actions listed there in your own life/community? What about the negative ones?

8. What do you think you would need from your group and from God to help you in this area?

For questions 7 and 8, we want to stress that while meeting once a week in a Life Group is a good thing, for us to really grow in Christ and conquer persistent sins, it may be necessary to develop communication and connection outside of a once-a-week meeting. Letting trusted people in on our struggles, and then asking for daily help and accountability is a necessary part of the Christian life. If you haven’t already, consider starting a group “text message” chain, where people can text in specific need for prayer throughout the week. Checking in with one another, and providing ongoing support and encouragement is one of the best benefits of being in a Life Group.

Purpose: Imagine what your world would look like if the truths from the passage were lived out.

9. As we discussed a couple of weekends ago, in this life we make decisions based on what we believe. Therefore, one of the keys to overcoming negative behavior is to understand the lies that we believe and to replace those lies with the truth. Look at the answer you gave for question 6. What lies do you think could be causing that behavior? What truth can you replace that with?

As you close your time together, consider breaking up in pairs and praying for each other, asking that God’s Holy Spirit would help each of you embrace the truth that is in Jesus (Ephesians 4:21).

Lies include, “I need to put someone else down before I can feel good about myself”; “I’ve always been an angry person and there’s no way I’ll ever be able to overcome that”; “If I forgive that person for what they did, then I’m saying that what they did to me isn’t wrong, so I can’t forgive them.”

Truths include, “I am a child of God; there’s no reason to feel bad about myself!”; “Through the Holy Spirit, God has given me the power to overcome any sin”; “I can say that what someone did was wrong and still forgive them at the same time. My not forgiving them doesn’t affect them at all, but it does everything to me.”

Paul says elsewhere that we have the power to demolish persistent sin in our life through Jesus Christ (see 2 Corinthians 10:5). But for that to happen, truth needs to become reality. Pray that God’s Spirit would open the “eyes” of our hearts to allow the truth of Jesus to sink deep within us (see Ephesians 1:18).